i am so stupid. i am a bad writer and this man took everything i said and twisted it into some awfulness to fit into his self hatred. i was just being curious and i never meant to hurt this man. i asked questions like i ALWAYS do with ALL of my online friends but he took those questions as accusations and judgement and thats NOT what i was doing. i feel horrible and he has made me feel like its my fault that he twisted my words. i may have to just give up on this online friendship and move on to the others that i communicate with. none of them have ever taken my words in such a mean way. i didnt mean to hurt him. i wouldnt do that and he acts like i did it on purpose. hes really fuckin messed up. and i thought i could at least understand him and let him talk if he felt the need to. i wasnt trying to sound condescending and i wasnt trying to be the big sister but im a girl and thats what we do. we give advise and we say "awwwwe" when things are bad or have gone bad. i just love people and want to understand people and human nature and if i end up helping thats fine. if not/ thats fine too.
im gonna lose a connection soon so i have to go. almost home.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
this guy
if he ever saw me in person hed never trust again.
if i stopped being his friend it would crush him.
im actually helping someone in this life. maybe thats my purpose here. maybe thats y he was "sent to me". maybe thats y hes in my life// so i can help him move on.
if i stopped being his friend it would crush him.
im actually helping someone in this life. maybe thats my purpose here. maybe thats y he was "sent to me". maybe thats y hes in my life// so i can help him move on.
Friday, October 17, 2008
to mr arrogant
first of all i wasnt yelling at u. dont be so sensitive. and wow. mr. "i dont swear" said damn. if ur implying that im the one who is arrogant ur wrong. and im not pushing people away. im trying to be honest and open with people. i tell it like i see it. always have always will. i KNOW im smarter than most people //especially in my small little town. i dont rub it in all of their faces. i dont NOT be friends with them cuz of it. i could. i could go around saying i have a 180 iq and u dont. in a very childish way. but i dont care about that. iq and intelligence levels are NOT whats important. how u treat people is what matters. i love people and i love ALL of them that i meet // smart or stupid// rich or poor// fat or skinny// crazy or sane// online or in person// not u. u pick only the smart rich skinny sane people. well my momma isnt any of those. ive learned from her that u have to be open to ALL relationships with ALL different kinds of people. my momma wouldnt be on ur list of important people that get ur oh so special attention? u dont think ur arrogant? u dont think that ur behavior is arrogant? the way u act like ur better than other people. really? i know im rambling and might not make sense but oh well. tell me something. have u ever once struggled in ur life? have u ever had to do things on ur own? without the help of anyone? im up visiting my dad right now so i should go. i know u prob wont respond but thats ok. i dont care. /// no thats not true. i DO care. i care about u. i care about my online friends across the US. but u dont need n e one else to care about u cuz ur on ur own and u dont need n e body.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Study Hall
thanks to an online buddy on youtube i found Foamy the Squirrel. this is how i spent study hall today// thank God for earphones! :p
"Tis the season to shut the fuck up and stop being a whiny little bitch! Stop ruining the holidays you neo yuppie scum bag! Or I'll beat you with a baby Jesus!"
And my favorite one... I think...
"Tis the season to shut the fuck up and stop being a whiny little bitch! Stop ruining the holidays you neo yuppie scum bag! Or I'll beat you with a baby Jesus!"
And my favorite one... I think...
Saturday, September 27, 2008
its been to long
so ive been away from the computer for a while. i just spend so much time on it doing homework that i tend to stay away from it in any free time i have. but i thaught i'd update everyone on what's been goin on lately. /// i mean other than school.
lets start with Ms. Eileen. she passed away two weeks ago. her daughter called me to let me know and i've been sobbing quite a bit. tho i didn't know her long i loved her. she was a very special lady and i loved all of her stories and helping her with her attic and going thru photo albums and stuff. her daughter is sending me one of Ms. Eileen's dolls from when she was a kid. i'm going to miss her. going back to NC for visits just won't be the same. they had her cremated like she wanted and her ashes were spread over the ocean at Cape Hatteras// her favorite place to visit in the Outer Banks in NC.
next to update on is that i got into 3 more colleges. yeppers i've been accepted into Stanford, University of PA, Penn State, and Duke //but i have no desire to go to Duke at all. Dad made me apply there. i havent heard back from MIT and i'm starting to think that's where i'd really like to go. i thaught i wanted to go into psychology but now i'm thinking i should jump into comuters because that really is the future. i already help with the school's computer lab and all the school's computers// including the like main computers. but idk if that's really where my heart is tellin me to go. i'll have to think more on that subject cuz i've got to make up my mind in a few months. i'm hoping for some kickass scholarships to help out // especially if it's any of the above schools.
up next in the update /// my parkour practice/training has been up in the air. i dont get much free time lately to go outside and play or train. i'm feeling it in my muscles but i did sign up for an afterschool program to use the school's gym and i can use the gymnastics equipment/// mats/ balance beam/ bars/ rings/ /// i'm really bad on the rings but that's where i've started to practice the most cuz it's great upper body workout and will help for whenever i can get back out and do more parkour. see i can double up on my afterschool activities with this gym session cuz i can tutor to Amy at the same time that i'm doing pullups on the rings or testing my balance on the high beam. she can read the probs shes having diff with in calc and i can just tell her how to do it. sometimes i need to stop and actually show her but i can usually just explain it to her in words.
so the best part of the update. Carson. so we went thru a weird period where he was acting all sorts of strange. he was jealous of all the guys i was saying were cute. all those traceurs like David Belle/ Stephane Vigroux/ Blane/ TK17/ and Danny Illabaca /// he was jealous of them. now remember i LOVE redheads and Car is a redhead and i have always loved him. well it took us long enough to figure it out but we are currently dating and taking it kinda slow so we dont screw things up. we don't ever want to lose our friendship but quite frankly i think i'd spend the rest of my life with him. i know i'm young and should keep my options open but it's Car and we've been thru everything together. our first official date was about 3 weeks ago and he kissed me. i will say it was quite weird at first but then we got the hang of it. :P its that redhead charm and skill. :P i shouldn't go into detail cuz he reads it and i don't know who else does and i don't want to embarrass him. /// we've also been discussing my going away to school. Car will prob go to Penn State and as i've said/ i just don't know yet. we can totally survive anything i think cuz we've literally been together since forever. we have both agreed that i make the school decision based solely on ME and the school itself and not on Car and where he's going. Car likes to joke that i need to get the best degree from the best college so i can support him and we can be rich. :P
what else? i miss my dad. he calls every weekend. it's hard to get a call in during the week on both our sides but weekends he calls. it's still not the same as getting to see him all the time. i can just go outside and shoot hoops with him/ ya know?
so mom and joe are doing well. dad's not dating anyone right now. mom and dad have completely returned to being friends. they are both trying to convince me to go to college on this side of the country. i just don't know yet. Standford sounds pretty appealing. :P
well Car is picking me up in about an hour for a part so i better find something to wear.
peace out my online peeps!
lets start with Ms. Eileen. she passed away two weeks ago. her daughter called me to let me know and i've been sobbing quite a bit. tho i didn't know her long i loved her. she was a very special lady and i loved all of her stories and helping her with her attic and going thru photo albums and stuff. her daughter is sending me one of Ms. Eileen's dolls from when she was a kid. i'm going to miss her. going back to NC for visits just won't be the same. they had her cremated like she wanted and her ashes were spread over the ocean at Cape Hatteras// her favorite place to visit in the Outer Banks in NC.
next to update on is that i got into 3 more colleges. yeppers i've been accepted into Stanford, University of PA, Penn State, and Duke //but i have no desire to go to Duke at all. Dad made me apply there. i havent heard back from MIT and i'm starting to think that's where i'd really like to go. i thaught i wanted to go into psychology but now i'm thinking i should jump into comuters because that really is the future. i already help with the school's computer lab and all the school's computers// including the like main computers. but idk if that's really where my heart is tellin me to go. i'll have to think more on that subject cuz i've got to make up my mind in a few months. i'm hoping for some kickass scholarships to help out // especially if it's any of the above schools.
up next in the update /// my parkour practice/training has been up in the air. i dont get much free time lately to go outside and play or train. i'm feeling it in my muscles but i did sign up for an afterschool program to use the school's gym and i can use the gymnastics equipment/// mats/ balance beam/ bars/ rings/ /// i'm really bad on the rings but that's where i've started to practice the most cuz it's great upper body workout and will help for whenever i can get back out and do more parkour. see i can double up on my afterschool activities with this gym session cuz i can tutor to Amy at the same time that i'm doing pullups on the rings or testing my balance on the high beam. she can read the probs shes having diff with in calc and i can just tell her how to do it. sometimes i need to stop and actually show her but i can usually just explain it to her in words.
so the best part of the update. Carson. so we went thru a weird period where he was acting all sorts of strange. he was jealous of all the guys i was saying were cute. all those traceurs like David Belle/ Stephane Vigroux/ Blane/ TK17/ and Danny Illabaca /// he was jealous of them. now remember i LOVE redheads and Car is a redhead and i have always loved him. well it took us long enough to figure it out but we are currently dating and taking it kinda slow so we dont screw things up. we don't ever want to lose our friendship but quite frankly i think i'd spend the rest of my life with him. i know i'm young and should keep my options open but it's Car and we've been thru everything together. our first official date was about 3 weeks ago and he kissed me. i will say it was quite weird at first but then we got the hang of it. :P its that redhead charm and skill. :P i shouldn't go into detail cuz he reads it and i don't know who else does and i don't want to embarrass him. /// we've also been discussing my going away to school. Car will prob go to Penn State and as i've said/ i just don't know yet. we can totally survive anything i think cuz we've literally been together since forever. we have both agreed that i make the school decision based solely on ME and the school itself and not on Car and where he's going. Car likes to joke that i need to get the best degree from the best college so i can support him and we can be rich. :P
what else? i miss my dad. he calls every weekend. it's hard to get a call in during the week on both our sides but weekends he calls. it's still not the same as getting to see him all the time. i can just go outside and shoot hoops with him/ ya know?
so mom and joe are doing well. dad's not dating anyone right now. mom and dad have completely returned to being friends. they are both trying to convince me to go to college on this side of the country. i just don't know yet. Standford sounds pretty appealing. :P
well Car is picking me up in about an hour for a part so i better find something to wear.
peace out my online peeps!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
i'm back in PA for at least another year
so i'm back in PA now and school started today. i'm loaded down with some AP courses but should have no probs getting thru it. somehow i ended up with 2 study halls so i'm going to help out one of my fave teachers with her "remedial" math kids. i didn't even know we had that class at our school, but it's like basic math/// for high schoolers! i'm also going to be tutoring at the elementary school helping kids who have trouble with reading. gotta keep my volunteer stuff up and my extra curriculars up for those wonderful colleges. i also have to find some sort of community service that i don't get paid for.
so my BFF carson has been acting kind of weird lately. car if ur reading this stop acting all awkward with me. it hasn't been that long since i've seen u. what's up? i think we are going to the drive in tonight tho so that should rock. it was closed when i came home for a visit.
i already miss my dad and a few things about NC. for one no matter where u looked there was always a place to do some pk. i'm quite hooked on this even tho i suck and need to practice more. i tried to do a running climb of a wall thingy and just chickened out. it's freaky running straight at a wall with no intentions of stopping. and i have no idea where to put my foot on the wall to begin with. i need a slow mo vid on utoob or something.
i also miss Miss Eileen. who woulda thunk it that i'd have a hard time leaving her?
i never got to meet the people on the pk forum. i didn't go to the pk jam cuz dad got into a minor accident// minor in the sense that he didn't get hurt but the car did. but so i didn't get to meet TK17 which is disappointing. such a cutie redhead. HOT! oh and theres some other redhead that is a part of that group too. he's really cute and i think he's more my age. i wulda gone just to see him. i still love redheads and yeah, i still believe my theory. even if my online friend on utoob says that's not true and that each person is different. i like my theory and maybe i'll do a study of it in college. :P i'm not a slut i promise. i just like male genitalia. :P i like big dicks and i can not lie! u other girls can't deny/// heehee :P i should write a parody!
well study hall is about over and i should prob do somethin a bit more productive. ///
so my BFF carson has been acting kind of weird lately. car if ur reading this stop acting all awkward with me. it hasn't been that long since i've seen u. what's up? i think we are going to the drive in tonight tho so that should rock. it was closed when i came home for a visit.
i already miss my dad and a few things about NC. for one no matter where u looked there was always a place to do some pk. i'm quite hooked on this even tho i suck and need to practice more. i tried to do a running climb of a wall thingy and just chickened out. it's freaky running straight at a wall with no intentions of stopping. and i have no idea where to put my foot on the wall to begin with. i need a slow mo vid on utoob or something.
i also miss Miss Eileen. who woulda thunk it that i'd have a hard time leaving her?
i never got to meet the people on the pk forum. i didn't go to the pk jam cuz dad got into a minor accident// minor in the sense that he didn't get hurt but the car did. but so i didn't get to meet TK17 which is disappointing. such a cutie redhead. HOT! oh and theres some other redhead that is a part of that group too. he's really cute and i think he's more my age. i wulda gone just to see him. i still love redheads and yeah, i still believe my theory. even if my online friend on utoob says that's not true and that each person is different. i like my theory and maybe i'll do a study of it in college. :P i'm not a slut i promise. i just like male genitalia. :P i like big dicks and i can not lie! u other girls can't deny/// heehee :P i should write a parody!
well study hall is about over and i should prob do somethin a bit more productive. ///
Saturday, August 16, 2008
U of Penn
oh and i got into U of Penn. i know i dont write like it on the net but i am pretty smart. :P i dont like to brag but ive got a 5.0 in high school// ive got plenty of extra curriculars// etc. i havent even graduated yet. and there are all these conditions that i have to meet in order for the early acceptance to be legit. my dad went there and im part cherokee so ive kinda got the "special privilege" thing stamped on my forehead. i dont even know if i wanna go there. im not the "typical" ivy league kinda girl/ u know? AND id be younger than everyone else cuz of graduating a yr and a half early. idk what i wanna do yet. i suppose i should wait to hear from the other places i applied.
Friday, August 8, 2008
last nite
so last nite i was up til 3am just chattin with friends online. the one girl out in cali seems really nice and i hope she finds what shes lookin for. her name is amy and she has been tryin to change her life for the better and become just a better person in general.
see/ i learn so much from my online friends. and this saturday i may even get to meet some of them at a parkour jam. im trying to get my dad to take me. one of the guys even gave me his phone number so if i get there late i can call and find out what part of campus they are at so i can join them. i cant wait. they are so nice to me on the forums and i just want to meet them all before i move back to PA. they really love their discipline of parkour and are always willing to help me learn new stuff // even if its just online descriptions of how to do stuff.
ne way i should get going over to Ms. Eileen's house today. theres only a few more boxes in the attic and then we're done with the work part but i've made a friend for life // u know? tis always good to have someone so wise to be able to just go to and talk about ur probs.
l8r t8rs // <-- havent done that in a long time.
see/ i learn so much from my online friends. and this saturday i may even get to meet some of them at a parkour jam. im trying to get my dad to take me. one of the guys even gave me his phone number so if i get there late i can call and find out what part of campus they are at so i can join them. i cant wait. they are so nice to me on the forums and i just want to meet them all before i move back to PA. they really love their discipline of parkour and are always willing to help me learn new stuff // even if its just online descriptions of how to do stuff.
ne way i should get going over to Ms. Eileen's house today. theres only a few more boxes in the attic and then we're done with the work part but i've made a friend for life // u know? tis always good to have someone so wise to be able to just go to and talk about ur probs.
l8r t8rs // <-- havent done that in a long time.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
random stuff
so a few days ago i was out mowin the neighbor's yard and i was wearin my bikini and had my hair pulled up in a ponytail. no really i'm quite modest but i have good self esteem and i know i'm pretty and i have a nice body. i have long dirty blonde hair that i usually wear in a high ponytail. i have large boobs but just cuz i'm blonde and have big boobs doesn't mean i'm stupid. i hate that people just automatically assume that. ne way i'm 5 ft 6 in tall and i'm thin and fit. i run and the stupid cheerleaders at school call ME anorexic just cuz i go outside to run in my sports bra and shorts and show off my abs// which i'm quite proud of my abs! :P so ne way i was mowing the yard and 3 different times 3 diff cars drove by and swerved to the wrong side of the road. nothing like a horny man to make a girl feel HOT! heeheehaha!!! :P
there's a statewide pk jam this saturday at the local college campus and i might go. thats IF my dad will take me. mom's out of town with joe so i'm at dad's house. i hope to meet all the nice peeple i met on the forum. there have been some nice peeple on there// even one girl. ne way i'll let u know if i get there and have fun. maybe someone can tell me how to improve my grip.
gotsta go to Ms. Eileen's house now for lunch and some work.
there's a statewide pk jam this saturday at the local college campus and i might go. thats IF my dad will take me. mom's out of town with joe so i'm at dad's house. i hope to meet all the nice peeple i met on the forum. there have been some nice peeple on there// even one girl. ne way i'll let u know if i get there and have fun. maybe someone can tell me how to improve my grip.
gotsta go to Ms. Eileen's house now for lunch and some work.
school ... is almost over for me
so we are officially moving back to PA at the end of August. mom gave me the choice of staying with dad and staying at my school here in NC or moving back to PA and returning to my old school. mom always calls me "Rory" after the girl on Gilmore Girls cuz she says im that responsible and she left the decision up to me. well see if i stay here in NC i can meet all sorts of new people and have the opportunity to attend any of the major colleges here //duke/ unc/ ncstate/ app state/all the unc colleges/ and all the others that are within a rocks throw distance. there are colleges all over this state and that means opportunities abound. contrary to the way i write on here and online/ i really do have a brain and im really quite intelligent. i have a 5.0 weighted gpa at school and i generally dont even have to try. i have already taken 4 AP classes and can actually start out at college in my second semester. /// but i luv pop culture so i <3 internet lingo.
ne way /// if i stay here in NC i have to go another 2 yrs of high school // jr and sr year. but with my old hs back in PA i can actually graduate at the end of my jr yr cuz i've got all the credits i need. ive already applied and gotten in to several colleges but i haven't decided where i wanna go. i could go to U of Penn and i'm just quite happy that i got into an ivy league school. makes me proud and all smiles that my brain has paid off. u know? but i'm not sure i want to go to college with rich snotty kids that are going to be significantly older than me. i mean/ i'm prob more mature than most of them but still the age thing is there and socially its a problem. /// if i stay in NC i'm a resident and will only pay instate tuition to these schools. if i go back to PA i will pay instate tuition only in PA // obviously. so money is a factor. it's why ive been working so much this summer cuz im gonna need the money for living expenses while in college.
so ne way i guess what i'm sayin is that i'm moving back to PA to finish up high school by may // possibly december if they let me// and then work some more next summer and then go to college a year early and start as sophmore //by then i'll have more classes for college credit. also i MIGHT be able to do a dual enrollment type thing and go to the community college and get some college classes in too. idk yet what will happen exactly but i'm all for getting a head start on my "adult life." :P also, i can come back and stay with my dad during all the breaks and even maybe next summer. that will be nice cuz i'll get to visit Ms. Eileen. shes the one who helped me make the decision. she kept saying that i needed to make the decision for ME and no one else.
til the next blog ///
ne way /// if i stay here in NC i have to go another 2 yrs of high school // jr and sr year. but with my old hs back in PA i can actually graduate at the end of my jr yr cuz i've got all the credits i need. ive already applied and gotten in to several colleges but i haven't decided where i wanna go. i could go to U of Penn and i'm just quite happy that i got into an ivy league school. makes me proud and all smiles that my brain has paid off. u know? but i'm not sure i want to go to college with rich snotty kids that are going to be significantly older than me. i mean/ i'm prob more mature than most of them but still the age thing is there and socially its a problem. /// if i stay in NC i'm a resident and will only pay instate tuition to these schools. if i go back to PA i will pay instate tuition only in PA // obviously. so money is a factor. it's why ive been working so much this summer cuz im gonna need the money for living expenses while in college.
so ne way i guess what i'm sayin is that i'm moving back to PA to finish up high school by may // possibly december if they let me// and then work some more next summer and then go to college a year early and start as sophmore //by then i'll have more classes for college credit. also i MIGHT be able to do a dual enrollment type thing and go to the community college and get some college classes in too. idk yet what will happen exactly but i'm all for getting a head start on my "adult life." :P also, i can come back and stay with my dad during all the breaks and even maybe next summer. that will be nice cuz i'll get to visit Ms. Eileen. shes the one who helped me make the decision. she kept saying that i needed to make the decision for ME and no one else.
til the next blog ///
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